Tube tales seven: A message from your driver

Attention please: due to the bad weather which we are never prepared for despite the fact it’s rubbish half the year, a leaf has attempted to commit suicide by flinging itself onto the tube tracks. This means that the big metal beast you are traveling on will have to stop and wait for said leaf to be removed before we can continue on our way.

In the meantime please feel free to squash as many people on as you can and enjoy each others soggy wet smell.

Also I would just like to point out that if you are late and frustrated please feel free to tut as loudly as you like as we believe once the appropriate level of unified tut is achieved all your woes will disappear.

Finally, I would like to remind everyone that in the rush hour please allow an extra half hour travel time to make sure you are prepared for any other abstract event that may occur such as random driver hugging, spontaneous nudity or unexpected platform disappearance.

Thank you.